Do you know what I mean?

does it bother
you i love to stare
does it bother you i
don’t smile back sometimes i’m so dumbstruck
like lightning in an open field a clock
at midnight and words falling into place
somethings are just right
even unsaid
even in nerves
we’re calm even in
sleep we’re so anxious can’t sleep wait dream think
does it bother you i don’t move closer
i just stare and look away and stare again
What an intimacy
Do you know what I mean?


Newly kinda stressing out.

I thought it be kind of a good idea to get my name tacked on a few things at school before the end of the year, pending how much I’ll be present come fall, so my English teacher recommended NEHS. She even said if I applied, she’d definitely get me in, because she runs it, so that part works out.

I did not think this application would be so stressful. I am looking this thing in the face and am full-fledged intimidated. It hurts. I mean, they want my grades (which in English are great), and they want what I do after school (which is jack), and all sorts of crap. I mean, she may have said she’d let me in, but other people are going to look at this application, I’m positive.

And then there’s this thing where I have to submit a sample piece. Something short. Like the flash-fiction or a poem or anything. BUT I DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE! It’s so stressful. Blah.

I can’t handle pressure, if it isn’t obvious. If anybody can think of a piece I should submit that I’ve published here, I would love you if you let me know.

Talent Show?!?!?!

So, how do we feel about talent shows? Any repressed horrors? Do you remember being humiliated onstage in front of a packed high school auditorium?

Well, don’t psych me out just yet. I am auditioning for my school’s charity talent show on Monday. I’m singing P!nk’s “So What,” as per the recent likeness.

I really only got the idea last Tuesday, but now I’ve thought about it so much that it sounds really fun. Because it always looks fun, even if you suck. And it’s for charity, so there’s 600+ people coming, and I guess why not? I guess why not before my big fucking craniotomy why not do one more stupid thing just for kicks, even if I look like an ass doing it?

Nobody told me I couldn’t.

Well, The DMV Is Stupid

My dad came into town this weekend (he was supposed to come in for my birthday last weekend but got held up with work), and my mom said, “well, it’s your responsibility to take her to get her damn permit!”

Actually, it’s not, but I’m just gonna pick my battles with that one.

Anyway, our DMV, which is actually pretty close to us now, is open on Saturdays, too, but not Sundays. And only open for four hours. Which means if they don’t have time to get ot you, you have to wait until Monday. Since this tragedy has happened to my father, he got me up at 7 to wait in line right outside the DMV until it opened, and we were only about the sixth group to get there. And of course this is about the season where every sophomore in the county is getting their permits, so we were lucky.

However…….I nearly failed my vision test in one eye, which was dead-ass scary to begin with. The lady testing me, who was very sweet and also knew my dad vaguely, really put it down to nerves (I had my crack head shake going on) and let me take it one more time, but she practically gave me the answers. Either way, I need to go to my doctor and probably get that note that I’m not blind, just fucked up. I always thought I wouldn’t need it, but I really do now.

Then we got to that damn test finally, and once I actually sat down to take it I kind of chilled out. With us (I’m not sure what the requirements are in other states or countries), there is a signs test and a general knowledge. 100% on the signs, 80% on the general knowledge.

I missed one question on the general knowledge test. One more and I’d have my permit. Now I have to wait fifteen more days to try again. Fifteen more days to study. And they don’t even ask real general knowledge, they ask really obscure knowledge. It was stupid.

Did you know you’re actually NOT supposed to pull over if an emergency services vehicles or a police car is flashing its lights? Apparently not. I mean, I guess this is factoring in that the car is not using its sirens. But no one ever uses that rule. And can’t you get fined for that?

As long as I pass it before Hannah (my best friend). If I can pass it before her, then I’m in good shape.