Jack Kerouac, Poet


“Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk- real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious.”

Lamest Pick-Up Lines


Anti-pick-up lines

*DISCLAIMER* Before anyone asks, yes, a few of these have been employed by yours truly or those close to me, and seldom few of them work out well for anyone. I caution you before actual use, but you only live once.

“If you were a Transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine” 🙂 (Thanks Branden!)

“Are you a ball-point pen? B/c you are extra-fine.”

“Are you a traffic ticket? B/c you got fine written all over you.”

“Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.” (Can totally be taken the wrong way, seen it done.)

“Is your last name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get.” (This one made me want to cut myself with a razor.)

“If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put U and I together.”

“Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.”

And I wonder why I and everyone I know is single…………

Casual Thought Interruption


So, I was having a discussion with my driver’s ed teacher over my recent write-off of inadequate internal organs. I mean, she’s known me since seventh grade, seen me go through treatment once, so she at least acts like she’s fairy interested. So, the decree was there’s a living will of sorts, and I told her this, that if my sister or any of my immediate family needed organs, for whatever reason, in the event that I die they could still harvest mine. If they aren’t fully well-done by then.

But that was the point of the conversation, was my doctor specifically used the term ‘medium-rare,’ Dick. And as soon as I say that in the event of, say, my sister needing a kidney she could still take mine my DE teacher interrupts and shouts,

“Well, a family that cooks together, stays together!”

That cured cancer a little bit. I’m gonna remember that for the rest of my life.

Sum Up Your Life In Lyrics


A friend of mine asked me once (just bringing this up because I took my meds too early and now I can’t sleep) to sum my life up in song lyrics. Not whole songs, just little snippets here and there.

“There ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe, I’m on the dark side of the road” (I’ll be disappointed in America for not knowing that one)

“And you’d dance around in your t-shirt and sing Don’t you love Modest Mouse and adore Promise Ring? Don’t you wish that you could just avoid everything? Join a band, go on tour, and think of me when you sing?” (Duet- The Airborne Toxic Event)

“Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiving. Nothing you can say can stop me going home,” (Famous Last Words, My Chemical Romance)