30 In 30 Jan 31


Talk about
Wrong place
Wrong time
This was seriously supposed to
Be worth more
Be more, I mean, but-
Man, I can’t do this
Talk about not knowing
I just didn’t feel like
Trying right then
Guess it’s no
Use trying now

30 In 30 Jan 30th


This should be
My last night as a casualty
And your last night sleeping
On doorsteps
I just wish I had gone deaf for the worst parts
Kid soldiers still sleeping with dolls
Adults with so-called ‘peace at mind’
All liars
We’re so good at this by now
Right? Right? Right?
In coats of fresh paint and shocker, new hate
We’re not new people, just replacements
Sweetie, you should really go home,
It’s getting late

Like You


Believe me or
Not
-Some people don’t-
You know, I COULD
String us all back together
And hang it like holiday
Lights
If I absolutely wished
But nobody really did much around here
For me
The scenery never quite did it for me
I mean, did you
Ever see people begging
For encores of the War on Terror?
No, you fucking- you, just-
People like you

30 Poems In 30 Days


It’s that time of year again! Yes, every February, my Creative Writing teacher doles out 30 Poems In 30 Days, a royal 100-point project I was only one of twelve students in my class last year to complete. And one has to actively try in order to do poorly in this class. Yet some are.

Never mind others’ shortcomings, I think since all this literary gold is just flowing out as we speak I may as well keep my lovely 103 (growing?) followers up to date. Hopefully it won’t totally suck. Last year it seriously did.

Monday, January 27th:

Personally
I’m just waiting
Watching
Wishing
For a sense of Belonging
To Belong Again
Come Again
That’s I guess what
We come down
To anyway

Tuesday, January 28th:

To Be Honest
We’re lucky for
A minute silence in
A decade screams
To Be Honest
Alone is quite
A killer companion
A killer vice, oh man
But just when flesh flees, dear
To Be Honest
Noonebelongsnooneleavesnoonegetsathing
To Be Honest, Though
We just really want
We are stuttered sad
Fractured flowers
Good guys
But porcelain dolls, mind you
Just nail your hope back together
Againitwillhold
It will move
You along

Asperger’s & Porn (Non-Related)


Entertaining day. Was on an excursion to set up Kathleen’s (old roommate’s) new kitchen for her cooking classes and at the Oriental grocery store, they really need to label shit in English.

So, a lot of stuff is seriously labeled just by country. Like, people eat this is India only, this In Korea only, (fake) seaweed in the Japanese aisle ONLY. It was so weird. So, I wanted to go to the end of an aisle to get palm sugar (kind of like sugar, just taste like coconut). Guess what goes right past the sugar section?

PORN! Oh, shit, and really graphic. I just left, couldn’t even believe they let some person just watch it there when there were little kids walking around. Hey, look to your left, you’ll see tits! Magical!

So, got my fucking sugar (apparently literally). Keep in mind this was a Saturday my time. In the suburbs. And noo one can drive a car, much less drive shopping carts. I’m literally standing in the middle of it WITHOUT EVEN A CART and no one will just let me through! It was the most retarded thing ever! Like, I know you jackasses speak English! Don’t play that card with me!

And that is how I started screaming and pushing people over to let me the fuck through. I just wanted to get home, I was already going to have to pay for the damn groceries.

Oh, and paying was a trip. This little bagboy probably my age or a little bit above was just right next to me, and I was telling Kathleen about how the Japanese teacher at our school always says stuff to me in Japanese that I can’t understand, and the students keep giggling, so she must be saying something shitty about me, and this dumbass bagboy just comes right out-

“She’s telling you that you beautiful.” Bitch, I just spent $120 on groceries that I will not get my money back on, I better look damn fine.

And then finally, I have to go with Kathleen’s stupid boyfriend (she doesn’t even like him either), to pick up my sister from gymnastics. I’d almost been about to slap him all day, but I almost got out of the car and walked home. He has this just wicked Asperger’s, and like that really Sheldon Cooper-dickhead Asperger’s, and I couldn’t handle it. See, I have this impairment ever since my last chemo where I can’t tell direction mentally, I can’t even get left/right straight, and that just did not sit with him. See, because he’s known that because Kathleen’s mentioned it but he was still rude about it the entire car ride! It’s not something I can help, you shit face!

Ten Years And A Night


“Ten years,” I gulp, kind of dreading it myself. “I want to see you again in ten years. If we’re still miserable, we’ll be miserable together. But you should probably see if you can be happy without me first.” Dan wipes wet crap off my cheek. Shit. Then he’ll know he can be happy without me, I remind nyself. And I think that’s what I want.

He blows air out his mouth hard, “Ten’s a big number. I don’t want to wait that long. How about five?”

“Don’t try to talk me down like that. In ten years we’ll be different, everything will be different, and maybe we’ll both still be here. It’ll be okay.”

Dan whimpers, “You don’t know that, Annie. We could both be dead tomorrow. Gone. Out. No ten years. Nothing.” He says in a soft voice, a soft satin voice begging.

“I could never have you then, Annie.” He holds me soft by the waist, securing me. “So I’m gonna kiss you and you’re just going to have to deal with it. If you want me to go after, I will. I swear.”

Everything Must Go


Bottom line
Everything must go
By tonight
See we didnt start
Nothing
We may keep
Keep
Keep
It but
We should be able to
Flush it just the same
Okay
Okay
We are what we’re told most days
It keeps us all from boredom, I guess
And I guess it’s why we’re all a wreck
This generation has everything
Welcome to your own monsters
You clean up after them

Double Standard Much?


Porn

I found this image on my daily waste-time scroll through Facebook today, and I was really quite offended for the most part. It’s such a double-standard in America for people to seek the benefits of sex, not completely saying that the porn industry should completely be abandoned here, and then turn around saying ‘this is wrong.’ If you are seeking one half, you must at the very least tolerate the half you find not as glamorous. The truth is, that’s not the side exposing your children to evil. If anything is, porn is.

And above anything, it shows what an immature and intolerant human being you’ve become. In no way is one born with a hate gene, sorry to break it to everyone.

Because we know when that when it’s really hot and sexy everything’s okay, but as soon as everyone wants to get married it’s an abomination. Heaven forbid.

You Don’t Understand


I have been trapped in my house. There is only four stupid inches of snow on the ground here. School has been closed all week, and I’ve officially run out of stuff to do. I was actually so bored I cleaned my house, can anyone believe it?

I mean, I’m out of homework, it’s too icy to go outside, I finished knitting my sweater, FML!

Bored