I Don’t Blame Us

Now that I think about it
I don’t blame us-
I mean-
We were outdated music
We were ripped clothes
I was bashing on ivory keys
You were walking into waves
You would cut and dye your hair
If I liked it and
I would change if I was pretty
I was always pretty
This was all about being displeasing
Sometimes you’d trip and I’d keep on walking
Not that you’d even hold it against me, right?
I never held it against you.
But you did throw all my stuff out your window
And let my CDs shatter on the ground
We broke all each other’s promises so we didn’t owe nobody
Shit
And that was how it all ended
Not long after that I re-began

Love Me Always

What if I were pale and ugly?

A useless, sexless thing?

Watching you always and asking you always

Never to leave such an atrocity

And if I were the same in

A bold and beautiful mask and bodysuit?

Full makeup provided?

Would I be of more use to you still

Mute, useless, sexless

Immobile, deaf and dumb but never ever blind.

And the dumbass tape recorder stuck on one line:

“Love me always.”

Breaking In The Bipolar

Those in the know just kind of know. There kinda always comes some sort of moment where new friends/family/colleagues just become privy to the fact that you are bipolar and/or possess a mood disorder. It being a mood disorder, it makes public appearances sometimes. Oh well. I mean, depending on who they are, hopeful it won’t do anything to your relationship. I know with a lot of my friends, they knew me for so long beforehand that being diagnosed just “explains a lot”.

Then again, I know romantic relationships and otherwise more personal ties can get stickier. The significant other may get more offended when you/I have an episode; things could just get messy. I’ve had relationships, for instance, where the other person gets really defensive of me, and they want to be the superhero and fix everything, and I sorry- bipolar don’t work dat way.

Family can work lots of ways, I’ve found. Some don’t even acknowledge it exists, like any disorder with any person, really. Others can get over-defensive, again, or don’t know how to approach it, because they are the ones who’ve known you you’re whole life and now want to treat you like you can break. It’s kind of easy to treat bipolaroids like that, I suppose.

I mean, we’ve always been family/friends/girlfriends/boyfriends/et cetera we’re jst on pills now and seeing a psychiatrist, why should you care? You don’t ever have to go to the doctor with me. Just have a little empathy. And you thought PMS was bad.

Untold Love Affairs In Mr. K’s Class…….

It was quite interesting today. See, a guy in my Creative Writing class (run by the aforementioned Mr. K) was talking to me in class and he just casually slipped into his train of sentence that I looked pretty today.

Awww……why can’t I have these things recorded? Now Mr. K’s mad at me because I’m not supposed to be flirting with the help. He actually came up to me at the beginning of the year and told me repeatedly that I was not allowed to become romantically involved with anyone in his class for purely his sake. Our previous year together we all shared the class with my ex and I and, well….West Side Story kind of happened. Yikes.

So, to present matters, Current Cute Boy also put the word ‘menagerie’ into a sentence, and I am a firm believer from now on that if such can be done then he needs to be rewarded.

I better ask him what he wants as prize 😉

Record This #6

Well, see dear it’s

Not quite all that simple

I’m afraid all this

Holding back and

Letting go

Business

We hurt each other

We may very well hate each other

For awhile

But we’re unfortunately not in a good state to get rid of one another

So we hold back, we do

It’s all we do

All we ever did

Why we never were in the first place

If we ever were