I’m back *creepy footsteps*

I officially hold the Fairfax Hospital record for the most ass-kicking, fastest-recovering craniotomy survivor EVER! In Tuesday, out Thursday. Dear God, I was so sick of that place on Thursday, I would have done almost anything to get out. As it is I think I got some kind of viral throat thing…….that blows


Dem bitches get stitches, yo.



Now, remember…….it’s only cool to hang out with you when you’re having life-threatening surgery Tuesday. So go tell someone you’re dying, then tell them they found a cure once you get sick of them.

BTW, I have donated at least ten dollars to Rita’s fund for Childhood cancer. The irony is palpable.


So, I have this new fascination with the card game Cards Against Humanity. If you haven’t heard about it or know it’s general rules, think about playing Apples to Apples but with horribly filthy cards. So…the first game I played when my own deck came in the mail was with my new roommate, Amy, and my mom, and Kathleen. The black card read ‘What’s keeping you awake at night?’
My white card- my first white card I played- was ‘a brain tumor.’ I laughed until I snorted. It was really unattractive.

Speaking of unattractive, I went out with Kathleen and her son Branden around town today (because now that my surgery date is in T-3 days I am the hip new thing to do!) and we were driving to Toys ‘R Us, and Branden needed a tissue. While this was going on, Kathleen was yelling at him that she needed to give her back some money for something he didn’t spend. So when she reached her hand back to supposedly obtain some mythical money (which she was on some serious narcs for expecting), Branden snotted all over her hand. I really almost pissed myself.

And appparently Branden is a grown-ass twenty-something who maintains a membership card to Toys ‘R Us, which I don’t find surprising at all, but ass a general fact I find very funny.

And then he made fun of my boobs a great deal. He told the boy in Rita’s to quit fucking staring at them.


you just
put all your hypocrisy into
your bite, it’s okay.
just don’t wimp out
hit me with only best intentions
and you can brand me all over, hot stuff
if you really please, even,
be the hostage-taker of hallmark card memories, but
would you even want
them (us) otherwise?
if not for the painkillers
we’d be awake all night
if not for black-market sedation and barcoded love notes
apparently we wouldn’t be doing this right.
or am i reading the instructions wrong?


We had an
Aunt up in
Northern Maine
It was so cold and
-You know Maine, guys-
There were four TV channels
And it was always too fucking cold
She did two things:
She played cards
And procreated


So, my surgery’s in 22 days (yikes), I have finals to worry about in the meantime, and we’re moving while I’m out of commission. So I’m currently trying to pack up/throw away everything I own while simultaneously studying for my Chem SOL tomorrow.