4 Walls, 0 Stars


Stars

These four walls
Are the palest
Of white
Everything’s spinning and quite
Maddening
I’m so glad
Nights are only
So long

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You And Your Dumb Fate


You just try to always
Take it as dumb
Fate when our
Song doesn’t play
But if we were held
Together by words as such
We’d have been done
Long before now
That’s why music came before words and you,
You’re the loud first
Beat of the kick drum
And I your faithful second
I know you long to be the violins, dear
The ones everyone comes to hear
I don’t think I’d
Have come to heard
A violin, so soft
Wrong word, so constant
You change and stay the same all at once
And we both do
You and I will always be
The back-and-forth beat
And the crashing last keys
And love
I'm still wondering if any of it should mean a  thing

Till Death Do Us


So I’m supposed to deal with something this weekend. My grandmother is dying, and I am going for the last time to see her this Sunday with my sister. She’s 10. This is not going to be pretty.

The thing is, most people don’t seem to get how I think of death. Seeing how close I’ve come to it, being an organ donor at eight years old, you start to cope with these things, but rationality doesn’t help too awfully much with that. Just that…..we’re all gonna die, you know? In once sense or another, whatever you believe in, if anything at all, we are all going to die. It is the one thing we can count on in the world. There are people starving in Africa who do not pay taxes but still can count on death. I mean, for me it’s always provided a level of comfort. That death is NOT the worst things can get. And society seems to think it is, oddly enough.

Having seen my grandmother in her current state, there are much worse things. Apparently she has some sort of offspring of mad cow disease, and I literally saw on two MRI scans her temporal lobe had been shrunk. The thing was eating her brain. She is now catatonic. How they still see this as living simply because she can breathe of her own volition is completely beyond me.

What’s the point of palliative care at this point anyway? 200 years ago they would’ve just killed ’em off! What’s different? Money? I need to check which states euthanasia’s legal in…..

Now I know what tattoo I’m getting, you guys- “DNR”

I Never Get Farther Than ‘Young And Innocent’


So just watch
The devil
Will dance
The devil will dance with me
Just ‘cuz
He heard we were dancing last night
Under the raining fucking willow trees
And
My name will be
On the bullets
That go through
The little kids’ heads
Just from the
Crazy things that
We did
And they figured well
We knew it, so far for her as we fell
This bullet signed by her
Will be so
Much better than hell
Well I know for a fact
Before you leave
In the morning you’ll
Want me back someday
So now
The devil knows from the dancing
The kids know from the experience
You know from the wanting
And I know from the attention
God, the nerves are the worst part