Why I’m Never Going To Safeway Ever Again


It was decided, as I was reminded a few minutes ago, that seven months ago today the decision was made that my first published book of poetry would be titled, “Reasons Why I’m Never Going To Safeway Ever Again.”

Now let me explain why.

I’d gone into this Safeway with Kathleen and my sister back last March getting stuff for her cooking class- and now that I honestly process it, it was the guys’ night class, so we were buying beer and chips and shit. Looked like I was throwing a party, I guess. And I AM cute, goshdarnit. Maybe I set myself up for this shit. But I had gone in on my own, and the only people that seemed to be there were these three black guys working there, I guess they could’ve been seniors in high school. But I swear, they were all brothers, it was so weird. So I start going around the store before I realize ONE OF THEM’S FUCKING FOLLOWING ME! I mean legitimately just cruising along behind me, like just doing my job here, ma’am!

WTF?

Finally Kathleen comes in with my sister and I’m standing near the deli counter (Kathleen didn’t even need to ask), and I was talking to the sweet lady at the counter and ANOTHER ONE OF THE LITTLE WEIRDOES COMES UP AND STARTS HITTING ON ME! Holy shit, it was scary! And it wasn’t just casually throwing out that I was pretty here and there, it was, let me invade your space, give you my hours, totally freak you out, okay? Make you distrust men for the rest of time, okay?

The grand finale was absolutely when we were checking out and the last of the the little pigs offered to walk me and the shit to the car. Like, I have had enough of you people.

I bought a rape whistle on the way home, for hell’s sake.

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